Dear Friend,

It’s hard to express how it feels to lose a close friend. Sadness, confusion, anger, regret, frustration, and despair are all fair descriptors, albeit usually temporary. Close friends will come and go, often changing as our life circumstances change. If you’ve had children you’ll know that your friend group typically shifts to those around you who also have children, and while you may migrate back to your old friends when your children move on with their own lives, it’s a clear indicator that friendships come and go.

Best friends, on the other hand, are bonds that last a lifetime. Many of these relationships start in our younger years and are nurtured for decades. These are the types of friendships that withstand the ups and downs, and changes in priorities. These are the types of friendships that are still there when you need to take a break to focus on other things, and while the frequency of being together may change, the strength of the bond never wavers. In fact, the bond gets stronger as we navigate each challenge. The bond gets stronger as we spend time apart. The bond gets stronger, no matter where we are or what stands in our way. Or at least I thought it did.

I’ve recently lost a best friend. While the wound is fresh, and I need time to heal, it’s hard to imagine things will ever be the same again. With some anger and a great deal of confusion, I’ll try to get through this by thinking about some of the great times we’ve had. Through thick and thin, when others tried to take us down, we were there for each other, and as hard as it is right now, I need to try and remember the good times.

We’ve always been very alike, coming from similar backgrounds and sharing almost identical values. Growing up as neighbours, I always knew we’d become close. We played in each other’s backyards. We vacationed together. We felt safe together, never needing a fence between our yards, always trusting that we had each other’s backs.

I still remember the time you had the big flood in your yard. I was the first to arrive to help, bringing boats and as many friends as I could gather. I can never imagine what you went through, and won’t pretend to understand, but I was there. I remember the fires, some of which are still burning while I write this. Again, I was the first to arrive, friends in hand, dropping everything to be there for a trusted friend. I never asked for anything in return, and was happy to help. I knew you would hopefully do the same if I was in need.

It’s hard to believe it was over 20 years ago, but do you remember the time you had the bad crash and you and your family members stayed with us when I was living in Newfoundland? We grieved with you that day, brought you into our homes, made you food, and kept you warm while you tried to process what had happened. We knew we couldn’t fix it for you, but we knew we could at least comfort you while you decided what to do next, and when you found out who was responsible for the crash we were the first ones to sign up to help you seek revenge. It took a long time to feel normal again after that, but we got through it together. I have scars from those times, but wear them proudly. 

Come to think of it, you like to pick fights, although usually for the right reasons, and I’ve been there to back you up in almost all of them. You aren’t perfect, and when you wrongly picked a fight in 2003 I had to take a step back. I didn’t badmouth you though. While I wasn’t going to fight alongside you on this one, I supported your right to do what you felt was right. I supported you while you were gone, and was still here when you got back. Aside from that one time, I’ve been next to you for every fight you picked, and every time someone has picked a fight with you. I’m smaller than you are, and while I am mighty, pound for pound these fights took a higher toll on me than you realize. That never stopped me, though. Best friends have each other’s backs, no matter what.

I think the hardest time in our relationship stems back to the very beginning. For some reason, maybe power, greed, or a period of utter confusion, you tried to take everything from me. I remember you storming into my yard and even tried to take my house……so I burned down yours. It was a blemish on our otherwise unparalleled relationship, but also a reminder that my patience only goes so far.

I’m not sure what is going on in your mind today. Maybe it’s power. Maybe it’s greed. Maybe you’re confused. Whatever it is, I just wanted you to know that I’m going to take some time to focus on myself. I may not want to talk. I will not be visiting for a while. I may make a few new friends, or rekindle some relationships that are long overdue for my attention. We are stronger together, without a doubt, but I am also incredibly powerful and resilient without you, and I am dripping with integrity, compassion, and kindness, from coast, to coast, to coast. I’ll see you again when you’re ready. We’ll always be friends, but this one might take a while to get over.

Your friend, 

The Great White North.